a walk........

I've been quiet lately.   I just haven't had words that were organized enough in my brain to write them down.   There has been much happening........  much to think about ........ much to pray about.

In the meantime, the weather has been wonderful.  My foot is finally better enough that we can get out for a walk.   But Nevin and Rosie were more interested in a "run"  :)

It was a little reminiscent of the "runner" days.  :)  But they stopped and waited when we called and told them to wait for us.   THAT was different than the "runner" days. 

 When Nevin was little and would "go missing", the joke was that we would first check the  perimeter to see if we could see his dust, before we wasted time checking the house and yard, etc.  The above picture made me think of that.

Nevin loves Rosie.   It bothers him when she gets "tangled" in the leash..... I tried to tell him that she doesn't mind...... but he continued to insist on "helping her".  

Nevin was just a "little" perturbed with our slow pace.   

He was glad when we got to the water so that Rosie could swim! 

 He really got a kick out of watching her jump in the water and paddle away.

And Nevin was proud of HIS photography skills, too.
 I'm thinking we need to get him a camera.  :)

It was a good day!

........ Special Connection ............

Nevin loves babies.  all babies.  

 When he was little, he moved through the house like a little tornado, oft times leaving destruction in his path....... and when a baby visited, that little "Nevin tornado" would cause that baby's mama to brace herself as he approached..... but then, .... just a few steps before arrival....... calm, no tornado, no wind and then the gentlest approach you can imagine.  For those of you who are boaters, it reminds me of when we would be speeding along in the boat, moving fast up on top of the water and then we would stop and the boat's motor would go quiet, slowing glide forward and "sink" comfortably into the water.   That was Nevin as he approached babies.   

But Nevin also seems to have a special connection
to babies with that something special.   

You can just see the connection.

with our very, very special friend..... Daniel

And with our friend, Shelby......  when she was little

and then consoling her after she fell and bumped her nose

 at the children's museum, when she was older.......

and a few from when we did childcare for a very special little girl.  

sorry, we don't have permission for any full-face pictures of her

...... but you can certainly tell from the pictures what Nevin thought of her.

he was even willing to be her pillow when she wasn't feeling good.  

He laid there for a long time and let her sleep.  

can't find the picture of Nevin with Andrew when he was a baby

but here he is when he's bigger.

It is a special connection, 

that doesn't take words, 

that doesn't need to be explained, 

it just is.  

And it is oh, so special to see.

The Parade!! VIP treatment

Nevin was invited to ride on the firetruck in the parade in a nearby town.   I think the firemen remembered his glee when they let him help at the Barn Burner and knew he would enjoy riding in a firetruck.   YUP, got that right!!  

He was SO excited!! When asked what his job was  "Wave at the people and throw candy to kids".  And he did a great job!   

(I love the above picture)

Again, I say, Nevin makes friends wherever he goes.

Thank you, Adam, for the invitation.

Post-parade, post-adrenalin, Rock star dance.  :)

You can check out more pictures on Nevin's Photoblog.

FREE for a prayer..... GIVE-AWAY

I am doing a Give-away for "Live Life BIG" Bumper Stickers.  Nevin will randomly draw 5 followers who leave a comment on this post to receive a Nevin inspired Bumper sticker. (bumper sticker doesn't have watermark)  

All I ask is that you say a prayer for Cyril.... that his forever family will find him soon..... Nevin and I want desperately to help bring him home to that family!!    Remember how Nevin picked Cyril K, from all the children at Reece's Rainbow,  to advocate for because of his smile?  because he seems to have a "live life BIG" attitude?

Well a new picture has been posted of Cyril and this poor baby is tired of waiting.... he has lost his smile. Maybe he's been transferred already, maybe that's why his smile is gone.  He needs a miracle, he needs a family, he needs love, he needs prayers.  Are you his family?  Is God whispering to you that he is your son?   He needs you to come get him!   We will help you raise the money and do whatever we can to help you bring him home!

look at this picture...........Breaks my heart!!  

So, today...... spread the word.......  Cyril needs a family..... his smile is gone.....

For the Bumper Sticker Give-away.....
1.  Sign up as a follower on my blog
2.  Say a prayer for Cyril today.... and leave me a message on this post.

bonus chance: Extra chances at for a bumper sticker if you post to facebook or twitter (leave me a comment that you did)

bonus chance: post about this give-away on your blog and leave me a comment on this post.

(If you have trouble with leaving a comment..... just email me:   lakesmit AT gmail DOT com)


**** Drawing will be Monday (July 20) at 6:00 Central daylight savings time!  


*** stay tuned, as we will be having more fun FREE give-aways this week! 

Letting Go, whether I want to or not!! .....The Tattoo

Nevin is 21.  yeah, I know..... you probably already know that.  I'm just reminding myself, he's 21.   If I want others to treat him with respect and give him choices he deserves........  ahemmm, I guess I need to as well.

When my other kids turned 18, they made choices that no longer needed my approval and promptly proved their independence by getting a tattoo.    Nevin is 21 !! yes, I surrendered and "let" my baby have a beer on his birthday.   But this was different, it was a decision that wasn't what I would choose, this was permanent.   There had been some talk of a "sibling tattoo" ....... ok, okay..... maybe...... maybe, that would be ok with me.  They had decided on a shamrock.... three leaves..... each sibling's initial in each leaf.  Okay, ok..... he can get the shamrock.  I mean, it's a sibling love thing, right?

Sooo....... fast forward to my daughter's birthday.  She's 27.   She was planning to use birthday money for a new tatto.     So, while discussing tattoo's over her birthday dinner,  the snowball got rolling and before I knew it.... even hubby was getting a tattoo the next day (he's no help!!).

Soooo........ tattoo appointment day.....  Nevin was excited, until he learned that the plan was to get a shamrock.   "NO  SHAMROCK!!"   "I want dragon".    Said with enough conviction, that I knew there was no shamrock happening.....  so I searched and found a celtic-like, shamrock-like, three headed dragon that could have initials put into it.    When I showed Nevin the picture, he was game.   I mean his choice seemed to be shamrock or three headed dragon, right?

However, once we arrived at the tattoo parlor,  Nevin became acutely aware of his choices!! (much to this mama's chagrin).  But at least, he wasn't choosing totally inappropriate stuff...... he got a book and went to the dragon section.   And landed on a full color, very detailed, large dragon that was out of the question.  I mean, we weren't sure how he'd tolerate it, plus it would be way more expensive that the original plan.   Each family member/friend tried to "trick" him by expressing their approval of the three headed dragon.  Wasn't gonna happen.   Stalemate.

Dad had even landed on a shamrock (design name:  bad-*ss shamrock)... go figure.   But Nevin was determined NOT to get a shamrock or a 3 headed dragon.    So he vacillated between silent pouts, pleading looks, angry-talk (which typically doesn't even apply to the situation.... because he can't process fast enough, with that much adrenaline .... so instead he just gives voice to "angry talk".... often excerpts from movies, etc.).     We did hear the word "loser" come out a couple of times.  

Me on the other hand.......  just wanted to cry......  see!!  see!! everyone, see what you caused...... now we have a mess, we have hurt feelings, we have angry talking and no apparent solution.    But  as I sat and looked at my 21 year old son.......  I realized, his anguish was partly my fault...... I was trying hard to be in control... I don't want to let him grow up... .. didn't work for my other kids when they were 18....... why doesn't Nevin have the same right to prove his independence as they did.

Sooo..... I took a deep breath..... sat down compassionately beside Nevin and asked him to tell me what he liked about HIS dragon and what he didn't like about MY dragon.   Together we made a list of what HIS dragon needed to have.....  ONE head, a tail, a body, wings, horns, red eye and red wings.   After consultation with the tattoo artist, he assured Nevin he would draw him a "one of a kind" dragon.

So, there you have it....... it's hard work letting go!

My baby...... my son....... is a young man......... with a dragon tattoo!

oh, and as you can see he "tolerated" getting his tattoo just fine.

 Dad, however, wasn't fond of getting his first tattoo.

And of course, Hannah had no problem with hers, and I didn't have time to  "fuss" about what she was getting...... :)  like it would have made any difference, anyways! and it's ok, cause she's beautiful with or without a new tattoo.

And, Nevin makes friends where ever he goes!!  :)

Birthday Blessings!!

As Nevin maps out all the upcoming movies and their release dates on his calendar, he is starting to take more notice of other important dates....... like birthdays. It has been fun, because it means you get to have happy birthday sung to you many times before the actual day! And gives him lots of time to plan. Nevin planned a date to celebrate my birthday last week.

He took me to see KungFu Panda 2.

Then he took me to Chuck E. Cheese's.

And he ordered me his favorite sausage pizza.

And he bought me some tokens and helped me use them.

We had a great time!! I felt very special.

Since Nevin monopolized my time........ my other lovies had a hard time finding me. Hannah left me some beautiful flowers and Nolan had to come for a late night birthday hug and a wonderful candle.

Birthday gifts!! each one of them...... each child gifted to me by God...... each one fitting perfectly into their place in my life. Hannah bringing beauty and compassion that only a daughter can, Nolan bringing a calm strength that needs no words and Nevin bringing love beyond measure. I am truly blessed!

pizza anyone?

Soooo, this evening we "learn a lesson" as Nevin would say. He learned that there is a significant difference between cooking your pizza in the microwave for 2 min 22 seconds and cooking it for 22 minutes and 22 seconds. The difference, you ask......... smoke!! and lot's of it.

The "lesson" I learned is: 1.) that I must re-evaluate whether I think Nevin can be home by himself...... and I need to do some praying about this...... while I need to ensure his safety, we must also figure out how to identify "acceptable risk" in pursuit of his desired independence. 2.) Time to start figuring out ways to help him increase his skills in this area.

We also learned that our smoke alarms never came on, despite a huge amount of smoke. They are hard wired and cover the bedrooms and basement....... but not the living areas! hmm, guess we'll be adding a couple smoke alarms.

Nevin's eyes were watering and his nose was running. My eyes were burning like crazy. We went to the basement to bring up fans and Nevin was rattled enough that while hurrying up the stairs with the large fan, fell and scraped up both shins and the fan went flying.

So, lessons learned and more importantly..... I see some "learning" in the near future.

It is difficult to figure out how and what to teach him to do..... especially if it is different than what we did. i.e. we didn't leave the house, we didn't call the fire department, hmmm....... how to teach, how to teach........ always a puzzle.

Garage Sale........ results/feelings.......

I have struggled all day with a post about the garage sale. The basic things are easy to say..... #1. THANK YOU!! to everyone who helped #2. It was a huge success, currently stand at $850 income, with some craiglist, ebay and consignment yet to do with the "leftovers"...... hoping to be able to bring the grand total to over $1000.

What I'm struggling with is describing how I'm feeling. Yes, I'm bone tired, I ran several nights on little sleep and then the night before the opening of the garage sale...... I actually didn't quite make it to bed. I lost track of time as I was working in the garage and I knew I was in trouble when I started to hear the birds chirping, telling me that the sun was coming up.

But the part I'm having trouble putting words to, is the emotional toll, the emotional weariness. Selling things that were "special" (.... yes, I kept some special things).... watching people carry around my "memories" in their hands, having absolutely no idea the love and heartache that was "connected" to some of those things. And even more than memories, many things also had "dreams" attached to them...... dreams that I need to let go of... dreams that I spent the day "letting go of" piece by piece as I helped load the crib into the back of someone's pick-up, as I stuffed bargain priced baby clothes into grocery bags that had previously been folded neatly in drawers in the "spare" room, ........ dreams of bringing home an angel through Reece's Rainbow. It takes a unified commitment to do that, and while i would "in a heartbeat" .... God has not placed that same desire on my husband's heart. And never in a million years would I want to do it without him having the same desire. Only God could convince a logically thinking man with valid human fears/concerns to traverse the ocean and bring home a child with special needs.

And somehow, because my heart's desire would be to adopt one or two with Down syndrome..... I've somehow lost sight of how else I can make a difference for these precious orphans. I feel inadequate in my attempts........ and despite the success of this garage sale, and knowing that Cyril is WORTH what was accomplished and the amount of work that was involved. I am overwhelmed with a sense of it not being enough...... that I need to do more.......

I read blogs of many powerful advocates whom have a way of giving voice to these orphans in a way that is making a huge difference. A few of my favorites are Lily's Mom, Patti and Adeye's blog No Greater Joy Mom and Aaron's Mom, Julia Please go check out their blogs!!

And pray that I will be able to let go of MY dreams, MY plans, MY selfishness and let God guide my path. While I cling to MY path, I am not able to see how God can use me, if only I would let him lead to that path HE would have me travel. Even as I pray and try to listen to God's will....... I want SO much to bring things with me to HIS path.... I grieve the shattered dreams that I must leave as God says.... "come"...... leave those plans.......

oh, my goodness....... Lord, please.......... have mercy on me........ help me get to the end of my pitiful self!! then and only then....... can it be truly for YOUR glory.

ok....... good thing I've only got about two followers!! and they already love me ;) I'd scare anyone else away! :) and because there is only a couple of you........ I'm gonna be brave and hit "post".

Yes, Cyril.......... I have not given up ....... I will continue to pray, that your forever family finds you!! and that when they do....... we will have LOT's of money in your account to help them get you home!!!! We will keep fundraising!! just gotta figure out what to do next. :)

***oh, and also.......... SOMEBODY (nevin) was very excited to find a JAMES BOND briefcase at our garage sale!! complete with "secret code locks" to keep bad guys out of it.

iheartfaces: From a distance

This week's iheartfaces challenge is focusing on a photo taken at more of a distance. Examples of this would be: a photo with the people way off in the distance in a beautiful location, a photo that features many people rather than focusing on a single face, a silhouette photo taken from afar, a photo with the subjects walking away from the camera, etc.

This photo was taken the day of the "barn burner", which of course if you've read the post you know what a very special day it was. One of my favorite pictures was this one, it shows the intensity of the heat. Obviously, I am not an experienced photographer...... but, I do enjoy using my camera to help us keep our memories "visual". One of the things that surprised us was the intense heat........ even "at a distance".